One month ago, I kidnapped my own brother in an attempt to steal away his Ass Monkey empire. I had him held prisoner in my basement and I made his website into my own personal playground. Yesterday, whether out of premonition or paranoia, I went to where he was being held and found not him, but only empty chains. As I left the house this morning, my brother Ass Monkey quickly grabbed me, holding a .38 to the small of my back.
He has given me this chance to come clean about what I have done, and to post one final entry. After that, he makes no promises except that I will live.
Goodbye, my patrons. It has been a pleasure to serve you.