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10 February 2009 @ 09:14 am
all is illusion  
A depression has settled upon me and lodged itself deep inside my brain. Nothing special going on to cause it, so it's almost certainly just chemical. It's funny how quickly I can lose the ability to care about anything. It's really like a switch has been pulled. At least I've been through this enough times to know I'll come back out the other end at some point.

Oddly, it's only at times like this that I ever feel I could be a Buddhist. My attachments to the world are refreshingly minimal at the moment and my suddenly emptied brain seems primed for meditation.

I'm sure there's a well-established link between depression and religious conversions.

Listening to: The Zombies - "Friends of Mine"
traballenguastraballenguas on February 10th, 2009 04:44 pm (UTC)
Have you tried tryptophan (or 5HTP)? I can recommend the former, and the latter is supposed to be even more effective. Worth a try, anyway. I find it doesn't make everything happy-happy, but takes the edge of the bottom. Enough to notice.

Take care.
Diary of an Ass Monkeyassmonkeydiary on February 10th, 2009 05:14 pm (UTC)

I haven't really tried any anti-depressants. I tend to stay away from doctors and prescription medication, but I've gotten somewhat good at managing them on my own.
traballenguastraballenguas on February 10th, 2009 05:19 pm (UTC)
Well, they aren't prescription medications, and they will only work in certain situations. Do some reading, and see what you think. Tryptophan is the raw material that your body makes serotonin (a neurotransmitter) out of, so all you are doing is making that available - if you body doesn't need it, it won't use it. If you body doesn't process it efficiently, having a little extra around might be helpful.

5HTP is the intermediate form of tryptophan as it is being processed to serotonin. It just cuts out one or two steps.

The tryptophan I take is extracted from beets (if I got the translation right).
Diary of an Ass Monkey: amd: guru of badonkadonkassmonkeydiary on February 10th, 2009 05:37 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow, cool. I shall indeed look into them. Thanks!
traballenguastraballenguas on February 11th, 2009 07:49 am (UTC)
I hope it helps!
Diary of an Ass Monkey: amd: angel and the ape giganticassmonkeydiary on February 11th, 2009 04:58 am (UTC)
So, after I realized that I sort of knew what tryptophan was, I went out and had a turkey hoagie. Sure enough, it helped.

Oddly enough, looking at a list of foods that contain it, I realize I've been craving quite a few of them lately.
traballenguastraballenguas on February 11th, 2009 07:52 am (UTC)
There you go! Actually, though, turkey has tiny amounts of tryptophan (I guess the key is the ratio of tryptopphan to another amino acid, which I can't remember). Try the capsules. Or the 5HTP, which is supposed to be more effective.

In general, I take the maximum recommended amount at the start, and when I notice an effect, I trim down to a low dose. But YMMV.
Tinelithtinelith on February 11th, 2009 12:40 pm (UTC)
It's really funny, this coming up, I've been having more milk (finally non-lactose milk appeared in stores around here!), nuts and bananas lately after I read that the tryptophan in these might soothe anxiety. Still have to see if it helps. I am also giving up caffeine and *sniff* alcohol.
Diary of an Ass Monkey: amd: red pow wowassmonkeydiary on February 11th, 2009 02:15 pm (UTC)
I've stopped drinking coffee recently so my caffeine intake has gone way down too. I could never give up the booze though.
(Anonymous) on February 10th, 2009 04:50 pm (UTC)
The hand gesture actually has meaning unless my memory has failed me. In 19th century Parisian life, this was a signal that a prostitute would make in public to a possible client that she was available. Very subtle way of doing business I guess, and no one gets embarrassed with "mixed" signals.

So what does it mean here? Possibly the photographer and model are unaware of the gesture? Or it doesn't matter since the gesture has lost it's meaning over the years.

And doesn't it look like the stars are flying out of her rear.
a foxy vixen, so illustriousgloriamunty on February 11th, 2009 03:55 am (UTC)
Oh, I'm totally sure there's a connection. Speaking of meditation, I like this book --trying to crane my head to see the title on the bookshelf-- The Mindful Way Through Depression. I mean, if you feel like meditating anyway.

I inadvertently threw myself into a mania with a little too much sudafed, lord have mercy, the dreams I dreamed, busy busy busy brain...
Diary of an Ass Monkey: amd: blue statueassmonkeydiary on February 11th, 2009 04:53 am (UTC)
Nice... I love cold medication dreams.

I just read the introduction to that book on google books and I think I'll read more. It seems helpful. Thanks!
Pallaspallasathene8 on February 11th, 2009 04:18 am (UTC)
I blame that damn groundhog cursing you to more weeks of winter.
Diary of an Ass Monkey: amd: fishingassmonkeydiary on February 11th, 2009 04:45 am (UTC)
True. Much of our earthly woe can likely be blamed on subterranean critters.
(Anonymous) on February 11th, 2009 03:18 pm (UTC)
Ever try melatonin? I find that if I'm sleeping quality, all my bad moods are aggravated. But with sufficient sleep, depressive states are just that.
Diary of an Ass Monkey: amd: Luke Cheuh & Teresa MTZassmonkeydiary on February 12th, 2009 01:21 am (UTC)
My sleeping's actually pretty good. One of the few areas in which I'm totally fine.
(Anonymous) on February 12th, 2009 04:15 am (UTC)
When I went through a pretty depressed period, I was sleeping *a lot* but it really wasn't quality. Do you dream a lot? That's my litmus for really decent sleep. If I have dreams and can recall them (at least for a while) after waking up. Also, if I wake up before the alarm does. I also bought a few fuller spectrum or hotter (6500K) fluorescent bulbs. I supplement my houseplants with them, but I also try and sit near them for a bit each day. Winter is especially hard to get decent sunlight.

Good luck figuring it all out. It really sucks when negative emotions impact your life. I'm sure you know that attitude has a huge impact on everything one does.

FYI Checking out your daily pix always picks up my mood!
mother of the angry mobpennyland on February 13th, 2009 07:36 am (UTC)
Visions from god...
..are only a small synapses away.

Apparently, if you fast and dehydrate yourself, you too can "Talk To God!!"

Or mushrooms work too.