Diary of an Ass Monkey (assmonkeydiary) wrote,
Diary of an Ass Monkey

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the monster in my kitchen

Not a hoax! Not an April Fools prank!

This morning someone gave me a living thing.

I'm expected to lovingly feed and care for it a few days, cook and eat a portion of it, and then pass on what remains to someone else so that they can do the same.

There are two important rules: One: this creature cannot come into contact with metal (which, I believe, identifies it as one of the faerie folk). Two: you cannot keep it for more than ten days.

It's called Amish Friendship Bread, which I reckon is a triple misnomer. First off, it's more like cake than bread. I had some yesterday and it's quite a delicious little cinnamon cake. Second, I doubt the actual Amish use instant pudding in their recipes. And third, it's more like a chain letter than an act of friendship, although there is definitely something very friendly about it.

The basic idea is that each person feeds the yeast enough ingredients to keep it vital and growing and after you cook some, you have enough leftover to pass on to three other people. My mom was hit up by this bread a couple times back in the 70s. Heck, for all I know, this yeast could be descendants of the stuff she had in her kitchen thirty years ago. (Shouldn't it have evolved into sentience by now?) Back then it was called Monster Bread, which I think is a far better name. It's like a pokemon that you can eat!

So, if anyone in Philly would like to be the next one to take possession of the Amish monster friendship bread cake (due to pass on within a few days of sunday morning) please let me know and we can arrange how I'll deliver this bouncing, breathing, edible, baby monster to you.

ETA: I have one taker, but upon checking the recipe, I see that I'm supposed to give it to three different people... so two more are still available. Also this post is now the first result if you google "Amish monster" so I've got that going for me.

Tags: food, south philly

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