Diary of an Ass Monkey (assmonkeydiary) wrote,
Diary of an Ass Monkey

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The Secret Origin of Peanut

Well, the votes are in and (so far) I have been found sane by a jury of my peers. Only by one vote, though, so I probably shouldn't consider it as any sort of mandate. The most surprising thing about the poll was of course how many of you wanted to know more about my imaginary dog Peanut. That of course pleases Peanut to no end.

Peanut was born out of my love for a single moment in a television commercial. It was the ad for that Narnia movie, most of which was completely ordinary, but right at the end, this wolf would look right at the camera and say "Take them!"

His name back then was simply "the Take Them Dog" and let me tell you I could not get enough of him. There was no talking in the house when that commercial came on tv. And sometimes I'd hunt through the channels just looking for it. All for that transcendent moment when he would look at the camera--no, when he would look right at me!--and say "Take them!"

Eventually, I would see that movie on DVD and end up rooting against the human children, because they were trying to put the Take Them Dog out of work. "Don't they realize, they should be working with the Take Them Dog?" I'd ask my girlfriend, "Why don't they just do what he tells them?"

Now, around that same time I was also playing lots of World of Warcraft. And I had created a Tauren hunter in order to play with some of the kids from Barbelith. When the time came for me to choose a pet for my hunter, I was up near the capital city of Thunderbluff which is surrounded by vicious wolves, who I really didn't want to kill, because they all reminded me of the Take Them Dog. So I tamed a prairie wolf alpha to be my Take Them Dog, but Takethemdog (as his name would appear in the game) looked weird to me on screen, so I thought about what his real name should be. In the books, his name is Maugrim, but that name sounded too mean, so I called him Peanut instead. I didn't actually play that character too much, but when I did I'd tell K. all about it and she would ask me from time to time how Peanut was doing.

Pretty much from that moment on, Peanut has been living in our house. K. and I will ask each other where Peanut is and inevitably one of us will have seen him somewhere up to some shenanigans. "Oh, he's chasing squirells in the back yard." Despite the fact that Peanut could say "Take them!" in perfect English, he usually communicated only in normal dog sounds, barking, arfing, howling. Plus a fair amount of panting and licking.

For the most part, he was just a normal dog (with just a few human eccentricities, such as having a girlfriend or going on vacations) at least until the wedding in Long Island a few months ago. That was when Peanut started sending us text messages. Mostly his texting was just an excuse to amuse each other. "Uhhh... I just got a text message from Peanut. He's having a party back at the house and he wants to know where your Duran Duran records are." But sometimes he'd be the messenger for bad news "Ummm... I just got a text message from Peanut. He says we'd better leave soon or we're gonna hit traffic on 95." Currently, Peanut happens to be travelling in Malaysia, but I am led to believe that that's just a total coincidence.

And that, my friends, is the whole story. Man, K's going to kill me when she finds out I told everyone about Peanut...

Tags: barefoot, best of 2006

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