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19 December 2006 @ 09:17 am
psychic surgery....  
It occured to me today that there may be a way to use one of shortcomings as human being to erradicate another. The worst of them is my tendency to endlessly beat myself up over stupid things I said and did in the past. No, seriously, endlessly. I've still punishing myself for things I did wrong in fourth grade. It's incredibly stupid and destructive and sometimes quite crippling. I don't want to do it. I try to stop it, but it's like I don't have any control over that part of my brain.

But today I was thinking about my substantial capacity to become bored with whatever I'm doing. No matter how much I wanted to do it or why I'm doing it or how entertaining or worthwhile it looks to me on paper. So, I am going to attempt to wield my boredom like a scalpel to cut away the useless bits of my self-recrimination by becoming bored with them.

Listening to: Radiohead - "Just"
ghibli_geek on December 19th, 2006 02:50 pm (UTC)
I am shockingly, eerily similar to you in this regard, but I don't think boredom is going to help me. Sigh. But maybe I'll try it anyway, and we can compare notes on the state of our self-loathing...

And dearie me, that's a nice picture up there.
Diary of an Ass Monkey: amd: scott morse skirtassmonkeydiary on December 19th, 2006 03:02 pm (UTC)
Hey, I like that idea! It'll be like a book club, only with the self-loathing instead of books.
(Deleted comment)
Diary of an Ass Monkey: amd: Ape vs. Jet Girlassmonkeydiary on December 19th, 2006 03:24 pm (UTC)
Don't worry, I plan to move onto skirts when I get bored with pants.
ghibli_geek on December 19th, 2006 03:37 pm (UTC)
You'd be stunning in a skirt, sir!
The Mud Puppy: Kong vs. Rexmudpuppy83 on December 19th, 2006 03:32 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I still think of some stupid thing I did back in, oh, 7th grade...and I'll endlessly go over it in my head. Like, oh God, how could you do something that stupid?!

One of these days I'll start thinking about thinking about these stupid things and beat myself up over beating myself up over them. And then my head will explode.
Diary of an Ass Monkey: comics: x-ray specsassmonkeydiary on December 19th, 2006 03:35 pm (UTC)
The dreaded feedback loop. Even super-advanced alien computers fall victim to them (as Captain Kirk well knew).
The Mud Puppymudpuppy83 on December 19th, 2006 06:45 pm (UTC)
Heh, indeed.
ayrmontayrmont on December 19th, 2006 07:50 pm (UTC)
You're lucky that it's only been since the fourth grade. As a hypnotist I have helped people who have been obsessing over the same thing for several livetimes. They weren't even aware that the were repeating the same crap over and over until hypnotically regressed to recall past lives. Lesson to be learned here is: deal with it now in this life or you might be carrying the baggage for a very long time!
Pallaspallasathene8 on December 19th, 2006 11:13 pm (UTC)
hehe, let me know how that works out. :P