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12 April 2006 @ 09:28 am
(S+C) x (B+F)/T = V  
A "scientist" in Manchester claims to have come up with a mathematical formula for assessing the perfect ass.

Few women would claim to have the perfect bottom. But for those in need of reassurance that it is within reach, a scientist has come to the rescue by working out a mathematical formula they believe adds up to the perfect posterior.

The magical figures are (S+C) x (B+F)/T = V. Though the equation looks rather complicated, it is, according to the scientist, simple.

It assesses shape, bounce, firmness and symmetry – all factors that add up to the bottom line.

S is the overall shape or droopiness of the bottom, C represents how spherical the buttocks are, B measures muscular wobble or bounce, while F records the firmness.

V is the hip to waist ratio, or symmetry of the bottom, and T measures the skin texture and presence of cellulite.

David Holmes, a psychology lecturer at Manchester Metropolitan University, England, devised the formula.

He asked about 2000 women across Britain to assess their bottoms using a simple points scale.

For example, those who believed theirs resembled a trodden doughnut scored just one point for shape, whereas those with a small peach scored the maximum five.

Points were then entered into the formula and the closer a bottom scored to 80, the nearer it was to posterior perfection.

"The perfect female derriere has firmness to the touch and a resilience that prevents undue wobble or bounce, yet looks soft with flawless skin," Dr Holmes said.

"Slender thighs and a hip-to-waist ratio of 0.7 will frame the perfect bum, well perfectly."

Dr Holmes said that Kylie Minogue, whose celebrated bottom relaunched her career with the help of a pair of hotpants, would almost certainly score a perfect 80.

"Kylie would score amazingly well on sphericality and symmetry. Her bottom is pretty much perfect in these areas, more so than the likes of Charlotte Church or Jennifer Lopez, who have more curvy posteriors," he said.

"While no one, of course, can be sure of the firmness and texture of Kylie's bottom, from the exposure it has been given in the newspapers it is obviously muscular and is likely to score highly in these categories also."

Dr Holmes's research revealed that men and women had different opinions when it came to deciding on the best bottoms.

While women preferred the larger, curvier behind of Lopez, men found Minogue's pert symmetry more agreeable.


Seems to me that this is all just an elaborate excuse for some guy to talk about how much he likes Kylie Minogue's ass. But if nothing else, it provides me a slightly less elaborate excuse to post pictures of said bottom for you at home to judge. (Personally, I don't find it all that special, but perhaps I haven't seen the right picture.)

Listening to: Tullycraft - "Glitter and Twang"
bitchiekittiebitchiekittie on April 12th, 2006 02:32 pm (UTC)
it's quite a nice bum, but I've seen you showcasing better ones. though I really love the look of her upper half in the first pic - the way she appears to be swinging around, her hair flying all over the place. fun!
Diary of an Ass Monkey: amd:  aqua chairassmonkeydiary on April 12th, 2006 02:33 pm (UTC)
I'd like to think she doing "The Locomotion" in that shot...
Angelina Rosefragilemadness on April 12th, 2006 11:20 pm (UTC)
That's from her film clip 'Spinning Around' or at least that's the chorus.
bitchiekittiebitchiekittie on April 13th, 2006 12:38 pm (UTC)
she_thing on April 12th, 2006 03:18 pm (UTC)
Meh, Kylie Minogue just doesn't do it for me.
ibejetblack on April 12th, 2006 11:49 pm (UTC)
Agreed. As a wise man once said "My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hon".
Another one of the birdsacardart on April 12th, 2006 04:00 pm (UTC)
Give me Jennifer Lopez or Shakira's ass anyday over Kylie
Diary of an Ass Monkey: amd:  amy crehore 1assmonkeydiary on April 12th, 2006 04:02 pm (UTC)
Yeah, old Shakira was quite fine indeed. She's gotten kinda scary skinny lately though.
(Anonymous) on April 12th, 2006 04:27 pm (UTC)
I'll have to agree with flyxiepixie on this one. I tend to like bigger, rounder asses myself.
ghibli_geek on April 12th, 2006 04:05 pm (UTC)
I can't explain it, but something makes me want to beat Dr Holmes over the head with a lead pipe. Or a twisted chunk of metal that resembles, on a simple point scale, my sad little butt. And I'm normally such a peaceful girl!
Diary of an Ass Monkeyassmonkeydiary on April 12th, 2006 05:33 pm (UTC)
Don't be sad for your little butt! The world needs all sorts: big ones, little ones, flat ones, round ones!
ghibli_geek on April 12th, 2006 06:33 pm (UTC)
Well, since you put it *that* way... :)
guidosaur on April 12th, 2006 09:57 pm (UTC)
i'd have to say that rating bums on a point scale is definatly silly....and have been told by many men that a round protruding bum and thick curvy hips are the way to go.....most guys like something to rest their head on......kylies bum, totally wouldnt cut it....
Pop Goes The World: doktorkosmoslucaspancake on April 13th, 2006 06:09 am (UTC)
It's always a laugh when someone tries to make science out of something that's really just a matter of taste and not a measurable parameter.

"The perfect female derriere has firmness to the touch and a resilience that prevents undue wobble or bounce"... Well, what if you happen to like wobbling and bouncing? "yet looks soft with flawless skin"... How do you assign numerical values to those qualities??

In my opinion, the sexiest asses are on black girls. You hardly ever see a flat ass on a black girl, do you. I know this may sound racist, but I assure you it isn't. Furthermore, I cannot prove this statement scientifically. But so what. ;-)
bootykid on April 14th, 2006 03:52 pm (UTC)
I can't believe that "men" prefer the more pert symmetry of Kylie Minogue. I went looking to see more "buns" shots of her, and she's got that tiny (though more shelf than I expected) kind of butt that bores me.

Give me a Jennifer Lopez, Vida Guerra, Shakira, Beyonce, Jackie Guerrido anyday.

Fuller and curvier. My choice.